Being pregnant is a very good excuse to get moody. Ppl would blame the hormones. Hehehe. I'm not moody right now. I'm juz a little pissed off. I need time to cool off.

You see, when ppl dont give me what i want, i would rebel. i'm used to getting what i want. maybe because i seldom 'want' things. or i dont have anything in life that i want so badly. so when i say i want something, it means i really want it. when i dont get it, i  feel very frustrated because i strongly believe i deserve  it.

sik faham? let me clear things up.

i want to transfer. not because other OPUs offered me some positions (walaupun ade..hehe). not because i dont like what i'm doing in my current job (i'm doing fine, juz ask my boss). not because of the location (labuan vs KL , labuan vs kertih, labuan vs Dubai).not because of the oppportunity to get recognized groupwide (ecewah) and not because i think it's about time i should move to other OPu/dept.

I am not that selfish.

i want to transfer because i want to be closer to my family. I cant imagine raising up my kid alone (atau duduk dgn maid yg entah dr mana). With the raising case of org gile yg suke abuse kanak2, i dont think i can trust anyone but my own family. I cant bring them all here. They all have responsibilities di Semenanjung. Plus my hubby is working in Semenanjung. Salah ke sbg seorg isteri, i ikut my husband? Bukan ke isteri yg mmg patut ikut suami? Sadly, it's not the case here. I dont know how their mentality works but obviously drg sanggup ketepikan their Islamic values for their career.

(reminder: it's my blog, i can say whatever i want)

To jot down in details abt my trials and tribulations to get myself transferred ni mcm membuka balik jahitan luka yg baru je dijahit tanpa bius. I could tell the whole world abt what those ppl said to me, the crazy + stupid reasons they gave. but malas la nak ckp. I'm not afraid. Cuma I fikir perasaan org je. manelah tau kot2 they terstumble upon my blog later..keskeskes..~!

TP nak ckp jugak satu benda. the thing that left me bengang kejap. ada ke those ppl ckp, "mentang2 last yearr u got a good rating, so u decided to leave this OPU after what we have given to you..after the all the trainings we put u through?"

WHAT????!!! My rating has got nothing to do with why i;m transferrring. I did not lobby kat org2 OPU lain abt my rating. I only said I need a position that suits me. It so happened that ppl are willing to accept me. Of course la for the experience I have, but come on! what do u expect? takkan la 3 tahun i kt labuan i nak forever jd stupid taktau ape2? ? and "all the trainings we put u through?" Selama 3 tahun, i only attended 2 trainings that YOU put me through. 2 (dua) sahaja yea. yg lain2 trainings tu semua center yg panggil OK..and i believe kalau i x letak in my PPA , u wont even know abt them. How dare they say they've invested so much on me when i rasa kalau i kt OPU lain pun they would have done the same, maybe even more.

So this one thing, totally turns my spirit down. How could they think that what i struggled for the last one year is an attempt for me to get transferred? I didnt expect the good rating. my bosses gave it to me. salahke kalau drg recognize my work and contribution?

tahun ni rasa cam malas nak berkobar2 buat PPA, I juz do my work. kalau drg rasa i deserve to get a good rating again, alhamdulillah. kalau x pun, alhamdulillah. at least i know i did what i paid for and i'm not kissing butts trying to prove i'm good.

Ni juz one of the crazy ideas that those ppl thot as the reason for me wanting to transfer. altho sudah terang lg bersuluh the real reason why, spt biasa drg akan cuba make it as i have my own personal agenda for it. and they deny my rights. kejam.

another crazy stuff that ppl here says -"is she (me) really pregnant?" Of course drg ty kt org lain. To which kalau they dare ask me directly, i would answer." xderlah, I'm juz making that up to get transferred. Obviously, it didnt work. Happy now?" Soklan bodoh camni pun drg tanya. If there's one thing I wouldnt lie abt, its abt my pregnancy. Org gila je yg bley main2 ckp dia pregnant.

ape2 jelah bebeh. i xmarah sgt pun sbnrnye. dah perangai drg cenggitu. nak wat camane kan.kite doa jelah moga someday, Allah S.W.T. bg hidayah kt drg and they realized the series of bad calls that they have made.

oh yea, walaupun i x marah, it's not easy for me to put on a smiley face whenever i see those ppl. entahlar. cam there's nothing to talk abt with them anymore.(mcmla sebelum ni i peramah sgt pun..hehehe).  i feel they are so fake. and i feel like a hypocite myself if i start a conversation with them.

Hopefully, time will heal. kalau tak heal pun, xder org rugi ape2. I'm juz a very2 tiny dot in their daily lives. (altho they are the big stones that holding me from my dreams)..hehehhee..juz let me dwell in my emotions now. Later2, OKnyer..lagipun pusing2 jumpa gak drg ni. Labuan kan kecik tuek je.

peace, mmuah.

"My work is not an expression of desire for praise or recognition, or prizes, but the deepest manisfestation of my gratitude for the gift of life".

Please understand that.